What I’ve Learned from My Self-Improvement Journey

“If you are too busy fixing yourself, then you might be missing out on everything that is always and already perfect and divine and whole within you.” — Yumi Sakugawa

We are on an endless journey of self-discovery, self-growth, and self-love. This journey will never end. There is no finish line or perfect version of yourself. As self-improvement becomes more and more popular, we need to be aware that self-improvement is not something we can one day check off on our to-do list. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am so glad self-improvement has come into the zeitgeist. We all have a lot of work to do, as individuals, and communities. Collective healing is what will aid in our progress to create a better world. However, I want to write this sort of love letter to you and my own self, to remind us — we are enough as we are.

There is a lot of self-growth being sold online. I urge you not to easily buy into anyone who is suggesting that you need to do better. See these signs and be cautious — no one can sell you a better you. You are where you are supposed to be on your journey and there is no shame in where you are now. That being said, there are lots of people out there that want to help and if we connect with their particular healing, then, by all means, follow your intuition. 

My wish is that we all strive to be the best versions of ourselves, without forgetting that we are already whole at this moment. For now, here are some balms to your wounds if you are feeling frustrated on your journey of self-love, healing, and growing. 

I’m not good at self-healing and that’s okay

I often find myself comparing where I am in the healing journey with others, especially with people I admire or respect. While I am glad I have healers to look up to, healing inherently is an individualized journey. My healing will not look like anyone else’s, but I often fail to miss this important distinction. 

We do not see everyone’s journey — the healing process is so internalized and intimate. We do not see the tears or the sweat or pain. The way we see people when they show up, whether in life or online, does not tell the whole story. Yet, it’s hard not to look at our progress alongside theirs, but it is unfair of us to try. 

We should not add fears of inadequacy onto our self-love journey. Comparison and wounds of inadequacy are big layers that we should all be trying to heal in every area of our life. It’s possible that part of our journey to healing is letting go of this idea that it looks like anything in particular, that there is any right way to do it, or that we are waiting for some idealized version of ourselves to show up. 

We are not inadequate at healing because we are not inadequate. Our growth is part of our wholeness. We must arrive at a place of compassion and grace within ourselves to believe that we are at the exact right place in our healing. And there is no time to love ourselves fully, like the present. 

Affirmation for inadequacy: My healing journey is my own. I am where I need to be. 

Healing does not have a time limit or linear path

Healing does not look linear nor does it have a destination. Healing is like a dance: one step up, one to the side, one back, repeat. Sometimes it can feel like we are standing still, but really we are dancing around the room. 

Trauma can come up through triggers, bringing old wounds to the surface that we thought we had healed. This can happen when we least expect it, sometimes years later. I thought I had healed from a sexual assault in my college years, but recently it resurfaced in my body as feelings of unwantedness. Even though I had healed that wound many years ago, I was only able to heal as far as I had grown. Now that I have gained more tools, and a better understanding of myself, I can take the opportunity to heal this wound again as I am now, not as I was a few years ago. This reminded me that wounds will resurface, and no healing path is linear. 

Erase any ideas that your self-improvement, self-love, or self-growth has any linear timeline. Erase any ideas that one day you will be the version of yourself you want to be. For it is likely that, today, you are the person that you wanted to be 2-3 years ago. 

Your dance with yourself has no time limits. You will continue to strive to be better and better, which is both uplifting and at times, painful. If you can allow yourself to realize that healing is a never-ending process, we can learn to love it and ourselves more. 

Affirmation for time and healing: Healing has no linear path or destination.

It’s important to celebrate where we are now

What we don’t recognize enough is how far we have already come. We deserve to celebrate our healing up to this moment. It took guts, tears, and hard work to arrive at where you are today. That’s worth cherishing, celebrating, and admiring. 

If you don’t keep a journal, I highly recommend journaling as a way to see this progress in yourself. When I read back on entries, even from three months ago, I’m astonished. Even if you don’t keep a journal but are active on social media, you can turn it into a great tool of self-reflection. Look at your post and captions from a year ago. I think you’d be quick to admit the person you are today is a much different version. 

Remind yourself often, every month, every week, every day how far you have come. Celebrate your wins. Did you set a boundary today? Do you look a stranger in the eye? Did you rest without guilt? Our wins are daily. They might be small, but they are mighty. Don’t forget them. 

I find it helpful to reflect on every new moon or my menstrual cycle. I am frequently in awe of the transitions, changes, and patterns of growth I am able to reflect on, in just 26-28 days. Instead of looking at my goals for the new month, I’ve been reflecting on how far I’ve come. This is because I am in a place where I need to focus on being proud of myself, instead of a place where I am called to create goals or visions. 

No matter where you are in your self-growth journey, don’t forget that you have come far, even if you’ve just started to reflect on growth or self-love. The first step is often the hardest. We are often our biggest critics, so give yourself more grace and allow yourself to be imperfect. 

Affirmations for forever growth: I allow myself to be imperfect perfectly.

Self-growth shouldn’t feel like a trap, but an invitation. My desire is to never stop growing, and to always acknowledge how much I have grown.

We will continue to grow beyond who we were yesterday and last year, which can be exhilarating or exhausting. Maybe it is both at the same time. Either way, give yourself a big hug today and remind yourself how far you’ve come. If you ever feel overwhelmed in your journey of healing, take some time to celebrate your strides. Remind yourself that growth is not linear and that you are indeed, already whole.