How to Spot the Difference Between the Voice of Ego and the Higher Self

This is one of the most common questions from anyone who has a good deal of self-awareness but is working on separating their ego’s interference from their true voice.

Our conditioned thoughts and reactions can come through much quicker and stronger than those from a higher place. They are rather deceptive and familiar, which makes it difficult to set apart because we are so used to following a certain psychological pattern. But with enough attention and practice, we will start to feel the difference. After a while, we will be able to point out those feelings associated with the types of decisions and reactions much more quickly and accurately. Once we know the difference, we will no longer allow the ego to control the way we behave, and be able to stay on our path to personal fulfillment.

I went through a long period of confusion not being able to tell which “voice” I should listen to. That resulted in a lot of internal conflicts and frustrations. Having built much success with primarily my logic, my analytical mind made all the decisions by default. Even with a strong and accurate intuition, I learned from my professional environments that people only approved of me when I was “rational”. And “rational” generally means the way most other people behaved — what’s perceived as being “normal.”

In personal relationships, past hurt and disappointment subconsciously played a big part in my reactions and decisions, as well as unhealthy associations taught by my family from a very young age. When I was in the moment and felt mixed emotions, I simply couldn’t help but react from a place of ego, because I couldn’t tell the difference fast enough.

I learned over time through trial and error, as well as mindfulness, what the aftermath of an ego’s reaction feels like — usually remorse accompanied by further internal chaos. Conversely, the decisions I’ve made from a higher place, a place of kindness and compassion, brought me long-term peace and fulfillment. They did not give me the temporary rush of satisfaction my ego was seeking, but instead fed me a noticeable dose of positive energy immediately afterward. And that positivity stayed with me indefinitely.

First let’s clearly define “ego” and “higher self”:

My definition of the Ego — A preconditioned perception of lack causing emotional triggers based on fear. Dealing with the ego is almost like dealing with a difficult child who is unreasonable, only sees from his point of view, and throws tantrums when things don’t go his way. Learning how to deal with that child takes patience, nurturing, and clear boundaries.

Some examples of feedback from the ego: 

• What’s in it for me? 

• I’m too good for this type of work. 

• If I say yes I will just be setting myself up for failure.

• She doesn’t deserve my kindness.

• This was all my fault, I screwed up everything.

My definition of the Higher Self — An evolved, more sophisticated version of ourselves, our true self. This version is connected to higher knowledge, is trusting, acts from a place of abundance, compassion, and is more concerned with the greater good than sole personal gain. It is in tune with its life purpose and does not allow external factors to deter from its true path.

Some examples of feedback from the higher self:

• Let’s find a solution we can both be happy with.

• What’s the best way for me to be of help?

• What is the opportunity for growth here?

• Kindness is always the right approach.

• What can I learn from this situation?

Knowing the difference:

1. An ego-based reaction is usually a quick knee-jerk reaction accompanied by a momentarily heightened emotion relating back to yourself, such as fear, anger, resentment, hurt, and shame; responses from the higher self come from a place of neutrality. It is calmer, more present, and is not tied to personal history.

2. An ego-made decision is unsettling, will likely cause you to feel remorse afterward, and drag down your energy level. You will typically find yourself justifying your behavior or decision back and forth, even if it made perfect sense at the time. Ones from your higher mind are much clearer, leaving you with a content feeling and raising your energy level. You will be able to move on easily afterward and with peace.

3. An ego-centric situation or solution is typically one-sided. The outcome only benefits one party with the other having little or nothing to gain in terms of growth. There may be monetary compensation involved but little to no nourishment for the soul. Solutions from the higher self, on the other hand, benefit both or all parties involved, whether it’s financial, emotional, or spiritual growth. The outcome of the solution will feel good to all parties involved raising the collective energy level.

Making decisions from the higher self:

1. Instead of reacting from a heightened emotion, pause to recognize the intensity. Take a moment to bring yourself back to neutrality. If the intensity is overwhelming, you might take a day or two in order to bring yourself back to neutrality, and that’s OK.

2. Acknowledge your emotions without judgment. Ask yourself what may have caused such a strong reaction. What or whom in your past caused you to feel that way? It’s OK if you are not able to point out the source right away, just recognize that this reaction is not from your higher self. This step is to help you better identify your reactions each time you experience them.

3. Once you are in a neutral position and remove yourself from attachment to the outcome of the situation, ask yourself: “What approach would serve in my best interest as well as the best interest of the other person?” or “What approach would bring me the most peace and fulfillment?”

Note: This does not mean you should stay in circumstances that are unfavorable to you. Sometimes the best approach is to remove yourself from certain situations.