4 Powerful Reasons Why You Should Ask For Help When Needed

Asking for help is such an empowering place to be. Not only does it bring you growth opportunities, it also allows you to take ownership of going after what you want or need, while showing respect for others’ choice to engage or not.

Asking for help is often perceived as a position of weakness. There is so much judgment in society toward both men and women for either asking too much or too little for help, so much so that we became self-conscious about it. But at the same time, most of us enjoy helping others, do we not? We naturally want to be of service to those in need. We love the opportunity to better someone’s life or experience. So why is it that when it’s our turn to ask for help we fear and hesitate?

Putting ourselves out there subject to be embraced or rejected is an uncomfortable position for most people. For me, it was my upbringing that taught me to never ask for anything and wait for others to offer. If no one offered then you simply accepted it and learned to do without. It was a disabling mentality that caused a lot of frustration and resentment for me. I grew up without any guidance or practice asking for what I needed. At the very most, I got to drop hints.

Not being empowered to ask for what I need as an adult meant ending up in relationships with manipulative and controlling men. Since I didn’t really know what I needed nor how to ask for it, by default I always went with what they needed, and essentially gave up my own happiness. My fear of being seen as too needy or problematic stuck with me from childhood. It took me years to realize I had a say in what I needed, and it was up to me to let others know what that was.

Asking for help gives you more than just a solution to a problem:

1. Self-discovery

It’s not always easy to identify the right kind of help, and asking for the right kind of help gets you what you need. Yet being specific about exactly what you need often feels awkward because we fear we might come off too demanding or impolite. However, not all of us have had the practice of verbalizing exactly what we need when we need it.

Verbalizing a need for help can be an enlightening self-discovery journey. It requires your heart, mind, and body to work together in making sense of a desire and formulating words to say out loud to another person. This forces us to quiet down and get clear on what exactly it is we need and how to articulate it. Getting good at this may take some practice and that’s part of the process.

2. Builds accountability

Most people don’t associate asking for help as being a responsibility, but it is one of the most important responsibilities for our mental health and wellbeing. The act of asking for help when needed not only builds confidence, but also trust from others that you have enough self-awareness and courage to ask for help when needed.

By taking initiative to ask for help, you not only give others permission to come into your personal space and be of assistance, you also acknowledge your own desire to welcome and receive help. This is a powerful way to set intentions and take ownership of what you had asked for as well. Whether it’s approaching someone directly for help, paying for a service, or praying to the universe for guidance, the small effort of putting yourself out there shows that you are ready to receive. 

3. Develops vulnerability

This is an area I personally struggle with. For the longest time, I didn’t understand the value of being vulnerable. Why would I bring up feelings of discomfort and expose my pain points to the world? What I’ve learned over the years is that vulnerability is really about trust and dissolving walls. It is deeply healing and connecting. Vulnerability is a crucial element to healthy, long-term, close relationships.

When you ask someone for help, in a sense you are taking a risk. Asking someone for help shows you feel comfortable and trust them enough to share a piece of your personal world with them. Doing that will open your heart space and help build inner strength to allow more love and  intimacy into your life.

4. Finding out who is truly there for you

Finally, asking for help can really open your eyes to who your real friends and family are. While we should always ask without expectations and attachments, we as humans naturally gravitate toward those who love and care about us.

Being open to asking for help will bring the right people closer to you and organically filter out the ones who are never there for you. Having the courage to ask will inevitably help build the friendships and community you want to be a part of. Years from now, when you are surrounded by people who embrace both your ups and downs, you will be glad you found out when you did simply by asking.