How Establishing Boundaries and Prioritizing My Wellbeing Improved the Quality of My Life
I’m a recovering perfectionist who used to participate in the hustle and grind culture and falsely think I’m a better human being if I’m constantly busy and productive. It didn’t work for me very well. I was burning the candle from both ends and found myself desperately looking for ways to take a step aside, set boundaries, and find pockets of peaceful moments in between the hustle.
I might be a little traumatized by my earlier working life and I’ve been close to burning out several times, but I’ve also learned my lessons around priorities, boundaries and the importance of rest.
An article in Psychology Today by Bryan E. Robinson PhD describes the grind culture (also known as hustle culture or burnout culture) as a phenomenon where people put their work and achievements above everything else. People participating in the grind culture are constantly running against the clock, multitasking, always available, always busy, and doing something productive.
I’ve always considered myself a woman of common sense; I have little tolerance for bullshit, and my self-awareness is at a rather high level. But still, I fell prey to this culture. On some levels, I bought the idea that by working my ass off and repeatedly going the extra mile—regardless of my well-being—I can prove my worth and feel important.
Perhaps I was hungry for external validation and thought I’d receive it by being part of the hustling club, only to learn that the “good feelings” followed by the grind-related validation never reached my soul but took a high toll on my well-being instead.
Understanding and honoring my priorities
Sometimes we need a good amount of suffering before making the necessary changes in our lives. I had my share, and as a result, I quit my job and started a completely new journey on my own to find out who I am and what is my purpose. In the beginning of this journey, my number one priority was my wellbeing. Instead of feeling guilty for prioritizing my own needs, I slowly started to learn to cherish rest, my boundaries, and other healthy habits.
Many of us struggle with external demands, stress, and busy schedules. We are programmed to believe that we are only valuable if we are constantly producing, achieving, or available for everybody. I’d really like to challenge that belief.
We are valuable as human beings, and taking care of our well-being is a service to ourselves and everyone around us. The key is to become clear with our priorities. If our own well-being and needs are constantly the last thing on the list, nothing will change. If we want to feel better and live and work in alignment – we need to want this and do something about it. Grind culture starts to shift when we shift. And demand something more for ourselves.
Developing healthy habits and setting boundaries required a clear priority change from me. But it was one of the best things I’ve done for myself.
Prioritizing my wellbeing, setting boundaries, and developing healthy habits that support my energy and nervous system regulation has tremendously improved the quality of my life.
Effective habits and boundaries that have helped me
We are all different and our priorities change depending on the season we are in. Being aware of where we are and what we want and need in the current season is the key. Then we need to take action and start doing things differently. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but small steps can lead to big changes.
Some of my habits and boundaries have helped me to become more in alignment with my true self and bloom.
Appreciating my time off. That means that I pretty much never read work emails during my holidays. To be honest, I’ve had this boundary since the beginning of my career. That was my way to resist the grind culture even when I was part of the problem.
Minimizing all notifications on all devices. To preserve my focus time, I want to be able to decide when it’s the time to check my mailbox or social media.
Avoiding a sense of urgency. I often take my time to answer emails and messages if they are not urgent. We live in a time where almost everything is labeled as urgent. Most things aren’t urgent (unless you work in an ER or a nuclear plant), and the ones that are, are often a result of bad planning. I’ve become allergic to urgency, especially when it’s used disrespectfully to roll the responsibility of bad planning onto someone else’s shoulder.
Being unavailable in the mornings. I switch my phone to flight mode every night for about 30 minutes before going to bed. In the morning, I take 15-60 minutes to do my morning routine before switching my phone back on. If I must start work early, I try to devote at least 10 minutes for myself and my peace. Mornings are sacred for me, and my routines are a high priority. I either write my morning pages or do a 30 minute silent meditation. Sometimes, I do yoga if I feel like it. Having time to connect with myself and set the tone of my day has made a big difference in my life.
Making a habit of napping. A great habit my parents taught me. A 10-15 minute power nap is on my schedule nearly every day. I go to my couch and set an intention, which is always the same: rest. I often get into this yummy relaxing state where my consciousness is drifting between sleep and being awake. It feels like being in a deep, relaxing meditation, making my nervous system hum in gratitude.
Incorporating appropriate amounts of exercise, time in nature, and healthy meals. I don’t skip meals unless I’m fasting. I’m never too busy to eat. In the afternoon, I might take a walk or do a 15-minute movement practice. I like to play with my days and have enough space for flow. This way, I can tune in and listen to my inner guidance about what needs to be done next.
Learning to say no changed my life
There are also a few habits that don’t take much time, even if I’m extremely busy. One of them is paying attention to my inner dialogue and always trying to speak kindly to myself. When we get busy and stressed, we often enter a state of tunnel vision, losing sight of the bigger picture. In this state, we might become irritable, overwhelmed, or even angry. That’s a good time to check in and observe how we speak to ourselves. Sometimes, a simple question like “What would I like to be experiencing instead?” can be powerful when stress surrounds us.
Saying no is a highly effective way to set boundaries. It should be one of the most important words in our vocabulary. It takes only a second to say and can alter the course of your day, week, or even your whole life. Try it today and see the way it instantly creates space in your life.
