How to Get Comfortable with Vulnerability

Vulnerability is an act of courage, that can lead us to deeper and more intimate connections. But being vulnerable is by no means easy or painless. We are often told to suppress the vulnerable parts of ourselves and to instead, show up confidently, without reservation. These ‘fake it till you make it,’ narratives take away from the empowering choice of vulnerability and how being vulnerable can actually strengthen and deepen your relationships. 

To me, vulnerability gives voice to our inner truth. It is the daring act of seeing, processing, and speaking on our fears, uncertainties, and pains. 

If being vulnerable sounds scary to you, it’s because it is. And there is no one way to be vulnerable, but here are some tools that might help you build intimacy with yourself and others. 

Fostering more intimate relationships requires us to be more vulnerable with ourselves first. Then, we need to become more comfortable with using our voice and taking up space. Finally, we need to empower and embody ourselves for tapping into our vulnerabilities. 

Don’t overthink it  

Being vulnerable with yourself is the first place to start and it isn’t as easy as it sounds. I have noticed that sometimes when I journal, I want to be relaying fully-formed thoughts in a poetic nature. But if I’m being honest, this isn’t my full truth or vulnerable self. Even in my safest of places, my journal, I can catch myself not being truly vulnerable or honest. 

My full vulnerability is messy and I tend to try to clean it up. One way I’ve been able to be more vulnerable in my writing is by using a practice called Morning Pages. This tool was created by Julia Cameron, featured in her best-selling book, ‘The Artist’s Way.’ It is a practice that asks you to simply brain dump for 3 full pages every morning when you immediately wake up. It is a way to tap into your subconscious and allow your brain to freely express itself, with no filter. 

Since I started doing this practice, I feel less pressure about what is said or mentioned in the journal. My handwriting is sloppy and I don’t give the words much weight. This is important — vulnerability arises when we are not overthinking. 

Something my therapist often says to me is, “Don’t think too much, just answer.” For example, if my therapist asks me, “How do you feel about that?” and I take a long pause, she realizes that I am trying to arrive at a fully formed or curated response. She doesn’t want that. Because vulnerability is raw, confusing, and closer to the truth. It is sloppy, it doesn’t always make sense, but that’s ok. 

Our vulnerability has layers and by practicing vulnerability with ourselves we can release these layers a bit more. It’s a learning process, but one worth trying. 

So, whether you try to practice ‘brain dumping’ into a journal for 3 pages to see what comes up or notice the next time you are pondering something, give yourself permission to ‘just say it’ even if it’s just inner dialogue. See being more vulnerable with yourself changes the way you feel and how your own vulnerability can offer you more intimacy and clarity.  

Sharing your voice

Once you become more vulnerable with yourself, you might desire to start sharing your innermost feelings with others. But this doesn’t always come so effortlessly, especially if we have never practiced being vulnerable with others before. However, simply using our voice can be a way to encourage vulnerability. 

If you have always felt timid about speaking up, one way to start strengthening your inner voice is by practicing what is called lion's breath. This is a breathwork practice that can help empower the throat chakra. The throat chakra is connected to our voice and communication. This breath practice is very simple. All you have to do is breathe through your nose and then exhale with your tongue sticking out. On your exhalation, give a loud “ha.” Do this for 1-3 minutes. It is simple, but giving voice to your loud exhalations strengthens your inner voice.  

Another way we can share our voice in subtle, but empowering ways is to give voice to simple requests. It can be as easy as asking for someone to pass the chips or saying “excuse me” to a large crowd while passing. It is about making a little more noise than you are typically comfortable with. Oftentimes we make our wants and needs smaller because we try not to take up space. But by using our voice we can embolden ourselves. It is a practice in vulnerability, for sure, and it will eventually lead you to use your voice in more intimate settings. 

Empowering yourself 

Not all vulnerable conversations are going to feel comfortable. When people speak from their truth, it can be messy. We might have to share with someone that they hurt our feelings or we don’t feel safe when they say or do something. 

This is ok. The most important thing is to remember that being vulnerable is incredibly empowering. Reflect on the empowered and embodied state that you feel when you are vulnerable. Be proud of yourself for sharing your full and authentic self. No matter the outcome. This will enforce this behavior in yourself. You deserve to speak your truths and they deserve to be heard. 

Recently, I told someone that I had a crush on them. I had been spending time with this person on a friendship level for a few weeks and I wanted to express my truth. It can be daunting to tell someone that you’re interested. I told them I wanted to share something and that I didn’t expect or want an immediate response back.

They were very flattered and clearly caught off guard (which is why I insisted on them not responding immediately). The day after, I was on Cloud 9. I was so proud of myself for speaking up and sharing my vulnerabilities. 

Sharing myself in this way made me feel incredibly empowered. I still haven’t heard back from this person yet and who knows what will come of it. But I am proud of myself, no matter what happens, because being vulnerable means showing up for yourself. It means not shying away from conversations that could be painful. It means empowering yourself by sharing your whole truth.

Stepping into intimacy

When we start being more vulnerable with ourselves and start getting more comfortable using our voice, we are more empowered to share our vulnerabilities in intimate settings. Being vulnerable with someone else can be scary, but it also has the power to build intimacy and connection. 

Whether we are sharing a desire or expressing a boundary, being vulnerable allows us to create intimate and honest dialogues. Sharing your vulnerabilities and receiving someone else’s vulnerabilities is an intimate act. It is not always easy to know how to start a difficult conversation. But starting with the truth, “I would like to share something vulnerable and I’m a bit nervous,” can be a great way to start. 

The purest gift we can give one another is our authenticity and honesty. When we do that, we allow our truth to unfold. By using vulnerability we can build more intimate relationships because we create a space in which both parties (or more) feel like they can share their true selves. That is all we can ask for.