3 Easy Practices to Feel More Confident in Bed

I identify as an extrovert, but only just barely. I’ll admit, being extroverted helps me feel more comfortable on the dance floor, at a bar, or at a family function. However, even extroverts, such as myself, can find the bedroom an intimidating place sometimes. While I often feel confident in bed, I believe it is because of the many practices I do outside of intimacy that help me cultivate a sense of ease and attractiveness. 

Feeling more comfortable in the bedroom starts long before you are in bed with someone. Whether you are single and mingling or in a long-term relationship, we all want to embody confidence in the bedroom. Building sensual confidence will help you feel more comfortable and attractive.

The media bombards us with images, ideas, and scenarios that might make us believe confidence in the bedroom has to do with lingerie, wild sex positions or certain noises. But feeling attractive is about being more confident with ourselves and our pleasure. By prioritizing your pleasure as a practice you can increase your comfort in bed. Here are three practices to get you started.

1. Sleep naked

Start with a simple, nighttime practice of sleeping naked. Sleeping in the nude is one of the simplest practices that can increase your confidence in the bedroom. It’s easy because you don’t have to change your routine or put in much effort, but the effects can be tremendous. 

Oftentimes in the bedroom, we can lose confidence when we strip down to our naked bodies, especially if being this exposed is unfamiliar. For some, this practice isn’t as easy as it sounds. Some people feel really exposed, vulnerable, or shy being naked — even in their own company. This is normal, you are not alone. Still, I encourage you to try and sleep naked for one whole week. Get used to and comfortable being exposed in your own bed, especially if you find this practice difficult. The idea is to make being naked in bed a familiar, welcomed feeling. 

Learn to know and love the way your body curves, shapes and molds to the bed. Pay attention to the way your naked body feels. Note how your skin feels rubbed against your blankets. Be aware of how you speak to your body — use kind words. Sleeping naked has been proven to improve self-esteem and body image, according to this study from the Journal of Happiness Studies. According to the study, people who sleep naked have positive associations with their naked body, which often correlates to self-esteem and confidence in the bedroom.

I’ve been sleeping naked for almost ten years now. I started sleeping naked at University (basically as soon as I had my own room and didn’t live with my parents). Now, I can’t imagine sleeping any other way. I’ve created a sanctuary in sleep where I love, accept, and delight in my naked body. 

2. Prioritize pleasure

Pick one day a week and dedicate time and space to the practice of pleasure. Solo sex is one example of pleasure (maybe even what you were thinking), but pleasure is also a long bath with salts, candles, and some good music. A pleasure practice could be making dinner from scratch and enjoying it without looking at a screen. Your pleasure could be going on a long walk in the sunshine and singing out loud. 

Whatever your choice of pleasure, treat this time like a meditation. Spend time exploring all the sensations in your body. Take deep belly breaths, return all your thoughts to your body and what it is experiencing. Whether it’s the warmth of the sun on your skin, the flavors in your mouth, or the sensations of your vibrator, try to find multiple layers of sensation. Allow your pleasure to be multifaceted, give yourself grace when you get distracted, and keep calling your attention back to your body.

If you need more assistance finding pleasure in your body, try listening to this guided meditation. Or simply ask yourself these questions before and after your activity: “What pleasure am I about to experience?” and “How do I feel after engaging in pleasure?” Take note of your body before, during, and after pleasure to integrate the body and mind experience.

When we are being intimate with someone, our thoughts often start to take over; but by making pleasure a practice you will become more familiar with returning to your body. It will make you feel safe and at home in your body. I feel the most embodied in the bedroom when I am consistently engaging in my own pleasure outside of the bedroom. I notice I can give a better voice to my pleasure, I can tap into it faster, and I feel sexy knowing that my pleasure is sexy.

3. Mirror work

While someone else can make us feel sensual, seen or validated in the bedroom, we are ultimately responsible for our own confidence. We are responsible to love all of us. We are only open to the amount of love we feel toward ourselves. In other words, we will only allow others to admire, see, or love ourselves as much as we love ourselves. 

So it is time to get to loving ourselves, but what does this mean and how can we strengthen and deepen this love? One of my favorite tools to foster self-love is the mirror, a simple bedroom mirror. 

There are two practices that help me feel much more comfortable and attractive: the first is dancing in the mirror. I turn on sexy tunes (or any tunes) and dance in the mirror. I watch my body, feel the rhythm, and myself! If I’m being honest, I feel most attractive when I am watching myself dance in the mirror. It builds confidence, gets me in the mood and boosts serotonin. 

The second mirror practice I do is very vulnerable. I talk to myself in the mirror. I talk to myself like a best friend and lover. I tell myself how proud of myself I am. I tell myself how beautiful I am and I tell myself the things I like about myself. This practice is intense and I usually start crying. It gets pretty real, really quick, but it is extremely powerful. 

Use the mirror to dance, build your confidence, and foster some self-love. Do mirror work once or twice a week to build on your pleasure practice and self-love routine. 

Feeling more confident and comfortable in our bodies is for everyone. You can prioritize your pleasure and confidence every day. Even if you are not being intimate with others, these practices will make you feel more in tune with yourself, making you feel more connected to life and your vitality.