5 Reasons Why Self-Love is Completely Unselfish

Self-Love is the time and attention we spend recalibrating our balance, in order to establish and maintain our capacity to have a peaceful and fulfilling life.

I thought long and hard about what my very first blog post should be. In the end, what is more fundamental and appropriate than the subject of self-love to kick off my crusade of spreading more love and kindness. 

Raised in a traditional Chinese family, I was taught to always put others’ wants and needs before mine. Not only was it inappropriate to ask for what I wanted under any circumstances, it was also inconsiderate to cause inconvenience to anyone else, including my parents. As a result, I spent my childhood and a good portion of my adult life waiting eagerly for someone to notice my unspoken needs, and felt deeply disappointed when they didn’t. Yet on rare occasions when someone did notice and offered their help, I would feel guilty for putting them through it. I was deeply conflicted and didn’t know how to be.

I found myself angry and resentful toward everyone for not putting my needs before theirs like they were “supposed to.” Until one day, an acquaintance asked me the simple question: “So what is it that you need?” When I tried to formulate an answer, I couldn’t. Not one that made sense anyway. That’s when I realized that I didn’t really know. I had spent my whole life relying on others to understand my needs, but never took the time to find out for myself!

With that awareness, I spent the next few years reprogramming those debilitating thoughts and feelings which sabotaged my happiness throughout my 20s and into my 30s.

Self love should be everyone’s priority.

If you have ever felt guilty for tending to your own needs, you needn’t be. Because taking good care of yourself benefits everyone around you, in these 5 ways:

1. Creates a healthy boundary for your responsibilities

When you are unclear about your responsibilities to take care of yourself as an adult, your world can become a little confusing. While it is always kind to be helpful, you must establish boundaries and not confuse kindness with obligation. This will also help you see and respect the boundaries of others’ responsibilities to take care of themselves.

2. Allows you to take more control of your life

You are the only one in the world who has known yourself every second of your life, inside and out. No one knows what you want and need better than you do. You have the opportunity to tailor exactly what fits your needs and when.

3. Establishes more self-esteem and confidence

Taking good care of ourselves is empowering. It establishes a sense of confidence that we can take on more of what life has to offer. And that inner confidence lifts our energy and exudes appeal. This creates a foundation for success. The better you take care of yourself the more you will feel ready to take on the next endeavor.

4. Takes pressure off of others to take care of you

Consistently taking good care of yourself relieves loved ones of their need to worry about you. This not only garners trust and respect from them, but also allows them to create moments with you not based on need but based on love.

5. You will have more to give to others

Finally, consistently taking good care of yourself means you are in a healthy position to give more to your loved ones, whether financially or emotionally. When you are not struggling with your own health and survival, you become a better listener, problem solver, and partner in all aspects of your relationships.