How to Balance Authenticity with Sensitivity
“Always be a first-rate version of yourself.”
As many of us put personal well-being further up our priority list, we’re recognizing the value of being true to ourselves. After all, the only way we can be the best version of ourselves is by being the most authentic version of ourselves. This journey is full of potential such as emotional freedom, breaking free of old societal expectations, and living a happy and fulfilling life that aligns with our soul.
This journey can also pose many challenges and dilemmas, such as how authentic is too authentic? Should I always tell the truth about how I feel? Is the world around me ready to hear my truths?
One of the characteristics of authenticity is honesty. That includes speaking and acting in accordance with our inner truth, to the best of our knowledge. Along this noble quest, we will inevitably meet people who feel offended or hurt by our words or actions. Sometimes they are even the people closest to us.
While the last thing we want to do is hurt others, we also don’t want to betray ourselves by telling lies or hiding the truth. So where is the happy medium?
Your truths vs. your reactions
Balancing authenticity with sensitivity could take some time to perfect, but in order to do that successfully, and in ways that elevate us, we need to develop a good amount of self-awareness first.
A lot of times, we can confuse being authentic with reacting to our impulses when they are very different from each other. While being authentic acknowledges our thoughts and emotions, it should not allow them to dictate how we behave.
For example, my friend Jenna asks me to help her plan and host an event. If I am unwilling to help her because I have been tired from traveling and would like some time to rest, I would be staying true to myself and my needs. If I am unwilling to help her because I am annoyed with her thoughtlessness and lack of communication, then there is an emotional reaction attached to my choice. Though the choice remains the same, the big difference is, one stems from authenticity — the desire for self-care and rejuvenation. The other stems from reaction — a decision out of resentment. The latter is merely a projection, and hardly the truth.
Being aware of this subtle yet significant difference allows us to become mindful of what is true and what is simply an illusion. This will also help us practice authenticity with far more clarity, when applying sensitivity. Because we are now able to see the most loving choice, and the best way to present it. More on that later in this article.
Neutralizing expectations
Practicing authenticity takes courage. It’s important to note that being authentic is not an act of rebellion and should be unapologetic. By that I mean there was always only one way of being, and that is authenticity. While we want to practice it with sensitivity, being authentic does not seek forgiveness.
Many of us were taught to be polite, to be unselfish, and be of use to others growing up. Those qualities were perceived as being “good.” Some of us may have even received criticism for putting our needs first or for telling the “unpleasant” truth. Those experiences cause us to second-guess whether we should be honest about who we are and the consequences that await us.
In order to bravely say and do what we think is right, we need to let go of the expectations of others' reactions. Anticipating others’ responses to our words and actions only keeps us questioning ourselves over and over again in our minds. This obstructs us from the more important aspect of this practice — how to present ourselves in the most authentic way while being sensitive to others.
Anticipate the unknown. Allow every experience to be as fresh as the first experience.
No matter how well we know the person we’re interacting with, how they’ll react to our next set of words or actions is still not certain. Because at any given moment, they are faced with a brand new choice, and there is really no way for us to know how they will choose, this time. We will only drive ourselves mad by thinking we can anticipate their reaction. So why not relieve ourselves from the stress of anticipation and expect nothing. This will take away the pressure of needing to be “good” in fear of judgment or criticism. This will also serve as a reminder that you are only responsible for your words and actions, and not that of others.
The most loving way to deliver the truth
In the center of balancing authenticity with sensitivity is love. The entire practice of being more authentic is rooted in self-love; then comes the desire to be in tune with and express ourselves in the most truthful ways. With love and compassion already in the hearts of those who practice authenticity, it is only natural to be considerate of others’ feelings in the process.
Finding the most loving way to deliver the truth will take some crafting, but is well worth the effort. It will elevate you to a new level of loving consciousness. This way of communicating will cause a noticeable difference in how your external world responds to you. More importantly, you will feel a noticeable difference inside that is in alignment with your higher self (and I am speaking from experience).
Here are a few qualities that make an honest and loving message:
Detailed in explanation — A loving message is a thoughtful message, not lazy or curt. It explains your thoughts, feelings, your circumstance, how you made your decision (if there is a decision), and helps the recipient fill in all the blanks and understand where you’re coming from.
Free from blame — A loving message keeps your truths at the center. It does not assume, blame, or hold others responsible for your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.
Gentleness — A loving message is kind and has no need for harsh words or strong emotions. It is simply a delivery of the truth, and that in itself is a kind act.
There will be many different approaches to delivering the truth lovingly, depending on each circumstance. All we need to remember is that at the core of this practice, it is really about our desire to be in harmony with others without betraying ourselves. As long as we’re reminded of this, we’ll be able to find our way in treating others with love, even when we have to say “no.”
