3 Good Reasons Why Some Bridges Need to be Burned

The old saying “Don’t burn your bridges” has always seemed a bit one-dimensional to me. The original meaning of the idiom is to advise someone to take caution not to destroy a relationship or a career connection just in case they have to return to it. It is a sentiment that encourages foresight and mindfulness against behaving impulsively. It’s not bad advice, but, because of this notion, many come up with excuses and white lies to appease horrible bosses or clients so that they can remain on good terms, in case they might be needed in the future.

But does avoiding the risk of burning bridges truly benefit anyone?

While I don’t believe in lashing out at anyone from anger, spite, or resentment, I also don’t believe in keeping how you truly feel to yourself just for the sake of maintaining a connection that isn’t working to begin with. Sometimes, it is a good idea to conclude a relationship or situation with absolute certainty, even if it means “burning a bridge.”

Some bridges simply need not be preserved, and here are 3 good reasons why:

1. It feels good to cut off bad ties

More often than not, we leave a situation or a workplace because we are unhappy and want to move on to a better situation. If the situation is truly unhealthy and eats away at our well-being then would we really want to go back to it? And does the thought of returning to that unhealthy situation make any of us feel good about ourselves?

Cutting off bad ties signifies that we are no longer willing to stay in relationships or situations that make us unhappy, no matter what challenges we may face in the future. It is a testament to the determination of wanting more for ourselves. This can serve as a boost of self esteem for anyone who has had enough with being taken advantage of or treated poorly. Sometimes, feeling good is just a matter of cutting off what makes us feel bad and making sure it doesn’t have a chance of following us. Burning a bridge can symbolize never wanting to return to our old ways of being. This way, we commit ourselves to keep moving forward and never look back.

2. Giving closure to an inevitable ending

Guess what else feels good? Expressing our true feelings.

When we are fearful of burning the bridge and tiptoeing around others’ feelings by hiding our own, we are also not allowing them to understand the situation clearly. Sometimes, others in the situation simply aren’t aware that you are at your limit with them, and they can't make things right unless they know. Telling them what is unacceptable to you gives them a glimpse of the things they may have done (or not done) to cause this disruption. It will also give them something to consider moving forward on how to improve their behaviors.

The people and situations we leave behind deserve closure, and so do we. The best way to “burn a bridge” with the possibility of still being on good terms is being truthful about how you feel. How the receivers choose to interpret it is up to them. They can choose to see this as a learning experience or take offense to it, and that is out of your control. In any case, telling the truth helps both of you see that this ending was inevitable and is for the best. It’s not a matter of right or wrong, it’s simply what hasn’t worked for you and you’re not willing to prolong it any further.

3. Creating room to construct new bridges

We cannot move on to newer and better things if we are still tied to old ones that no longer serve us. If we take a moment and think about how many old ties we still hang on to we might start to see that they are taking up space either in our life or in our subconscious. And sometimes, it’s the space in our subconscious we unwittingly reserve for those old ties that holds us back from moving forward.

If we are trying to keep an old rotting bridge alive, we cannot construct a stable new bridge in its place. We must burn it to make way for better things.

Much like this metaphor, if we want better relationships that cause less stress, take less time and effort to maintain, and provide stable support when needed, we have to completely let go of the ones beyond salvage, without contemplating whether we will need them again in the future. We don’t need them. Not if we build stronger, better new ones for ourselves.

Not all difficult relationships or situations require ending things in such absolute terms. Some relationships can reach reasonable understandings and part temporarily, leaving the door open for reconnection. Others reveal neglect or miscommunication over time and starting fresh might become a mutual goal. Yet in some cases it is the best action for our own sanity, and perhaps even for those on the receiving end. If a situation is consistently stressful or toxic over a long period of time without a resolution in sight, then prolonging it will only keep us stuck in an unfavorable position. It is better to simply sever ties by explaining the real reason than to give a false impression that reconciliation is always on the table. Doing that only enables the entitlement of those in authority at the expense of our authentic self. And we hold the power to say when enough is enough.