Let Go, Then Let Go a Little More
“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. ”
It feels as though the last couple months of my life have been lived in slow motion. Through more heightened awareness and being extremely present with my thoughts and emotions, I’ve observed that the letting go process in life never truly ends.
Change is constant, and with change, you must move forward in life by letting go of what no longer fits in the next chapter. Unless of course, you want your life to stay exactly the same…
Over the summer, I watched my mother get sentimental over everything she owns, while helping her pack for her move to Texas. She’s not a hoarder, never has been. Her place is clean, tidy, and minimally decorated. All her clothes were neatly hung in her walk-in closet protected by garment bags, though more than half the clothes she hasn’t worn in over 10 years. She was highly stressed about the move and understandably, reluctant to get rid of anything she had grown so accustomed to living with.
Over the next few months, she would decide to sell her house, keep her house, move to Texas, move back to California, stay in California, and, we shall see…
She wants her life to change, but she also doesn’t.
But isn’t that all of us, a lot of the time? We want the parts we don’t like to change, but keep the parts we do like. We constantly try to hang on to the things that represent the parts we do like, even if they no longer serve us, and have become an anchor or burden.
Everything takes up space
Whether physically, psychologically, or energetically, everything in our life takes up space. Even the symbology of holding onto something that no longer has use or meaning in our life makes an imprint in the subconscious. It’s a sign we’re still living in the past — it’s why the grieving process is so important after a loss.
Letting go is hard, especially of something or someone wonderful. Even if it’s something unpleasant, the sentimental part of us can still look for reasons to hang on for just a little while longer. It’s when weeks turn into months, and months turn into years, hanging on becomes unhealthy, preventing life from moving forward for the better.
In order to welcome new and better things to enter our life, we need to create space for them. And in order to do that, we need to let go of the things currently taking up space in those areas. Clothes that no longer fit, old relationships that no longer serve us, a house with bad memories, etc.
As I looked around my own apartment, in little corners I never bothered to look in the years I’ve lived here, I saw many items I no longer have use for, and wondered if I had inherited my mother’s inability to let go…
Hanging on is believing you will never find it again
As I observed my mother’s resistance to let go, I went inward to examine why I still have all the old things I’ve neglected to let go of myself. I never saw them as a problem, as they didn’t take up any real estate. Psychologically, however, they took up a lot of room in my heart and mind. Without realizing it, they emitted the message into the universe I was not ready to move on.
Why do we hang on to things, memories, routines, or people that no longer serve us?
As I touched and felt some of the clothes that no longer fit me and gifts from my exes, I understood what my mother was going through. On some level, the self-limiting part of us questions whether or not we will ever have them again. Maybe it was as good as it gets. What if we are foolish to let them go, only to discover that we really miss having them, even if they only exist in our mind?
It’s most likely true we won’t come across the exact same things or experiences ever again (and that’s not necessarily bad), but we will meet something good, even better in different ways. After all, we are not here to repeat life the same way over and over again. We are here to grow and discover what else is great about life. The only way to do that is to let go of what’s in the way of our new adventure.
Let go a little each day
I chuckled at the many items I was (and am) still hanging on to after all these years — I had tucked them away into a safe little corner, because I clearly didn’t want to deal with them. Year after year, I have been good about cleaning out old belongings and taking them to the donation center; I would observe my daily routines and do my best to turn bad habits into healthy habits; I journal as well as talk about what no longer serves me and then take action. I thought I was doing great in the letting go department!
What I began to realize was letting go is something we do little by little, each day. Sure, some people can overhaul their entire life and all their belongings in a matter of weeks and begin anew, but I am not one of them (at least not yet), nor are most people. Letting go fully means processing, reconciling, making peace with what will no longer be a part of our life. Sometimes it’s an unexpected loss, sometimes it’s a tough decision we have to make for ourselves, in which case, the letting go process leading up to that decision can help us reach the clarity we need.
Letting go a little each day can look like deleting a phone number, throwing away a piece of clutter, releasing a negative thought, or stopping a behavior the moment we are about to act on it. They are powerful changes that will create ripple effects — little does not mean insignificant. As we slowly chip away at the things in our physical and mental world, we are removing psychological blockages that prevent us from moving towards the better things in life that await us.
As I organize, sell, and donate my old things, I let go of the memories associated with them, good and bad. I let go of the subconscious belief that my best days are behind me, and I let go of the resistance that prevents me from experiencing the best version of my life going forward.
