Escaping the Traps of False Empowerment for Real Personal Growth
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Having people who are there to empower you in life is a great feeling! It is something everyone needs regardless of your circumstance or state of mind. Contrary to what many people may believe, we don’t just need empowerment when we are down on ourselves; we need it when we feel on top of the world as well. Empowerment is not only comforting and elevating when our spirit is low, it also serves as a humble reminder of how far we’ve come and how much we’ve grown when we feel unlimited. Being empowered is an experience of being seen, as who we are and not as our feelings.
To truly empower someone is to believe in them as a reliable human being capable of making the best decisions for themselves, regardless of their present circumstance.
I had spent many years observing the act of empowering because I was often confused by words and behavior from those who seemed empowering but left me feeling judged and inadequate about being myself. I’ve learned there are many people who talk about empowering others to become more motivated and fulfill their potential, yet when they meet a truly empowered individual, they hold back their support or are even quick to tear them down. Which made me wonder, are their intentions of empowering others genuine, or have they only set out to lift those who are down to boost their own egos?
Recognizing false empowerment
About two years ago, a friend of mine expressed her disappointment toward the people around her after undergoing a noticeable makeover. Before I met her, she was struggling with her weight and self-esteem. She felt unattractive and unlovable. After undergoing her makeover, she had achieved the appearance she desired but continued to struggle with her self-esteem. She told me when she was struggling with her weight, she often had many women tell her she was beautiful just as she was, but since she obtained her ideal weight, the compliments had virtually stopped, other than from the opposite sex. She began to realize the nature of those compliments were not genuine and had little to do with her.
When I was quiet and shy, I often received words of comfort and encouragement to speak up about my thoughts and feelings. I felt grateful for opportunities to practice using my voice, so I did. Many years later, I felt far more comfortable and confident in expressing myself as well as speaking in front of other people — I felt empowered. Though something strange happened. Rather than continue to feel supported and encouraged, I felt more judged by others. A greater portion of the feedback I received had shifted from “You did great!” and “That’s okay, it’s nothing to worry about,” to something like “That came across a little arrogant” and “You could have taken a softer approach.”
That begged the question, what happened to the encouragement that was available to me when I was lacking personal confidence? And do most people only want to empower those who are down but not those who are up?
I soon realized that is not genuine empowerment, it is a sense of control. Those who are seemingly empowering you are deciding how much you should feel empowered. Not too much and not too little based on their own perspective of what empowerment should look like. As soon as you come across a little “too” empowered, they feel the need to offset the excess.
That type of empowerment isn’t healthy. It actually does the opposite — conditioning individuals to remain disempowered, as they become dependent on continuous encouragement. Psychologically, this injects fear into someone to keep second-guessing their thoughts and behaviors, and prevents them from fully expressing themselves, all in the name of modesty.
Those who are truly supportive of your empowerment are there to celebrate your progress, especially when you are comfortable enough to speak your mind, set boundaries and pursue your passions.
Developing empowerment from within
Recognizing false empowerment is, in fact, empowering for me. Prior to that, I felt from time to time I was walking on eggshells, looking to others' approval for exactly how empowered I should be. And walking that fine line is a stressful way to live.
I want a support team on my side, of course. But I want to feel empowered to be who I am without having to be apologetic. If I make mistakes, let them be my mistakes. Let me grow from those mistakes and learn to become a better person. An empowered individual is someone who claims ownership of their decisions and their own way of being, and no one can truly feel empowered if others' opinions affect the way they want to be.
Ingredients to true empowerment:
Self-confidence
Developing a sense of self-confidence goes hand in hand with developing empowerment. Contrary to what many may believe, having confidence isn’t the same as being self-righteous or being comfortable in the spotlight. Self-confidence comes from experience and the self-awareness developed from those experiences. It is a reconciliation you have made within which allows you the comfort and safety to be who you are. Having self-confidence means you accept yourself fully as you are, regardless of where you are in life.
Commitment to growth
On your journey of self-empowerment, it is easy to forget you are essentially on a personal growth journey to discover your greatest potential. It’s not about proving something to someone else or showing the world what you can do, it is more of an inward journey to begin with. Feedback from others will give you a point of reference but should not determine your desire to grow into the next best version of yourself.
As you become a more empowered individual, you will likely meet many people who are not comfortable with your sense of empowerment. That happens because when you change, your relationship dynamic changes too. It’s important to recognize no one is being right or wrong, it’s just the resonance that used to bring you together is no longer the same. A new relationship dynamic will be formed as a result.
To try and maintain your old way of being or your old relationship patterns can sometimes stunt your sense of empowerment. If you truly want to discover and live your greatest potential then your commitment is to move forward in self-discovery and not go back to feeling small and playing small.
Faith
Your growing sense of empowerment is most likely not based on knowledge, but on faith. No one can tell you what your journey will look like, and no one can guarantee your results will be just like theirs. It is a path only you can navigate for yourself. When you give up your power to navigate, you begin to walk someone else’s path. You keep going because you know you must, because you know you’re onto something important and it makes you feel alive. If you are able to remember that feeling, then influences from other people will be less likely to stop you from moving forward.
Developing empowerment from the inside is what allows you to walk your own path without fear, doubt or worry. Along with the unknown ethereal faith, you will be developing a known, more tangible faith for yourself and your own ability to think, sense, decide and act without external influence. And that is the goal of true empowerment.
