4 Steps to Establish Emotional Boundaries for Highly Sensitive People

“An evolved HSP can master their emotions while enhancing their gift of sensitivity.”

Following my most popular article How to embrace your sensitivity and see it as a strength, I am continuing with this blog post, as promised, to share a few tools on how to establish emotional (or energy) boundaries so our external environment doesn’t take us on an emotional rollercoaster ride.

If you are a sensitive empath too, this is one of the most important practices to protect and have control over our sacred space so that we can continue to function optimally as a sensitive being in a sometimes insensitive and disconnected world. If you are reading this, you have most likely met your fair share of insensitive, unaware, or even energy suckers in your life (people who seem to drain your energy whenever you interact with them without ever replenishing it). 

Very few people in my life know that I’m a sensitive empath, and can pick up emotions and energy easily from my surroundings. While I don’t really show much on the surface, I feel it quite deeply in almost every cell of my body. For most of my life, my emotions were easily affected by my outer environment — comments from other people, the news, gravitational tides, or something as little as misplacing an everyday item, depending on the day. It was sensory overload for me most of the time. I was in and out of depression for many years, allowing myself to sink into deep, dark places without knowing how to get out of them. I inherited many gifts from my parents but dealing with emotions effectively was not one of them.

About 10 years ago, I had a major breakthrough and felt content and emotionally free for the first time. From a happy and peaceful place, I made a conscious decision that I wanted to be immune from emotional teardowns. I promised myself I was going to acquire all the tools I needed in order to be resilient to life’s ups and downs. And I did just that. While I can’t control others’ actions or events in life (nor would I want to), I can now confidently say I feel comfortable facing challenges, obstacles, and setbacks in life without fear.

1.  Recognizing when you are triggered by something

As easy as this sounds, it can sometimes be a challenge to pause long enough to recognize you’ve been triggered or aggravated before you react. If a trigger is strong enough, emotions can heighten in a millisecond and throw you off center before you even realize what happened. 

The trick is to pay close attention to what your body tells you. Were you calm and centered before X happened or when so-and-so said X? Do you suddenly feel tension somewhere in your body, is your heart racing, did your throat close up? These are all small signs that you are now aggravated and in a heightened emotional state.

2.  Acknowledge your feelings while giving others permission to feel what they feel

Now that you recognize you’ve been triggered, can you identify what you feel? Is it anger, frustration, hurt, sadness, etc.? Try not to react based on your heightened emotions—doing so will only add one more layer of complication to perhaps a simple misunderstanding that can easily be resolved. 

The first step in establishing boundaries is to give yourself permission to feel what you feel, as well as giving others permission to do the same. We wouldn’t want to be told how we should or should not feel, so let’s hold that space for everyone to feel safe enough to allow emotions to come to the surface to be heard and understood.

3.  Identify which emotions are yours and which aren’t

If you are sensitive enough to sense others’ emotions easily, then it is crucial that you separate your emotions from theirs or it can become very complicated and confusing for all of you. 

When someone is coming at you already emotionally charged, it can be tricky to separate whether you are reacting to the situation or their emotions. Human beings tend to mirror each other on some emotional level and are influenced by each other. So it can be hard to tell if you feel angry because the other is angry, or if you feel excited when the other feels excited. Sometimes we even react to our own emotions within a millisecond which makes it all the more confusing.

Some of the questions to ask yourself:

• Am I angry because he/she is angry with me?

• Am I afraid because I don’t want to feel a certain way?

• Am I afraid because I think he/she might be feeling a certain way?

• Do I have all the information I need to respond to this situation?

• What is he/she really trying to tell me? How can I get more clarity?

4.  Meditation for calming, centering, and establishing an energy boundary

If you are still experiencing some challenges getting clarity, or the situation is simply overwhelming emotionally, try the following meditation technique to recenter yourself. I use this visualization meditation technique anytime I want to feel calm and centered again. This exercise also helps you get to know what your true state of being feels like so you can identify when your energy is out of balance.

Sit in a comfortable cross-legged position on the ground. Make sure the spine is straight but relaxed and not locked. With eyes closed, take 3 relaxing breaths.

Visualize a bubble around you as your personal space (or your energy body), around arm’s length in diameter.

Observe what that bubble looks like and feels like for a minute. Does it have a color? Is it clear, transparent? Feel your own energy inside the bubble. How does it feel, how does it look?

Do you have any feelings of uneasiness, such as anger or hurt in your bubble that feel foreign? Can you identify it as a visual? Does it have a color, a shape, a form? Let whatever visual comes to mind be okay.

Once you take a few seconds to identify that form, ask it politely to leave your bubble, then watch it go through a small exit you opened for it.

After it is completely gone, observe your energy again within the bubble. How does it look and feel now?

Is there anything else here that doesn’t belong? If there is, repeat the above exercise one more time.

Take a long deep relaxing breath when finished. Smile, and open your eyes.

BONUS meditation: If you are feeling ultra-sensitive at the moment, or are just going through a rough patch, use this quick visualization meditation technique each morning before you begin interacting with a large number of people. This simple practice will help create an energy boundary and provide additional reassurance so you can feel good about facing the world every day.

Stand tall with both feet facing forward. You can choose to close your eyes or keep them open, whichever feels more natural.

Take a deep breath in, exhale and relax your body.

Extend your right arm up straight over your head. Move clockwise using your forefinger to “draw” a circle.

As you draw with your finger, visualize a beautiful golden bubble created around you protecting your energy body.

Circle as many times as you’d like. Smile when completed.

For a deeper dive on building emotional resilience, read more on A closer look at emotional boundaries and how to establish resilience

If you are struggling with sensitivity, read more on How to embrace your sensitivity and turn it into strength