Breaking the Cynicism Habit and Trusting the Good in People
“When too much cynicism threatens to engulf us, it is buoying to remember how pervasive goodness is.”
I was sitting at the brunch table with a group of wellness-conscious friends, many of us sharing our latest learning and resources. I began to talk about my experience with a bio scanner that reveals your body’s toxicity levels and nutrient deficiencies. I proceeded to share the name of the person who provides free scans with a state-of-the-art machine every week, and where they could find him. The first questions I received, to my surprise, was: “Why is he doing this? What’s in it for him?”
That simple response prompted the recall of many encounters I’ve had over the course of my life that would leave me baffled and disheartened — the response of doubt and distrust. I’ve come across that response countless times before, either by words or facial expressions. Even when people don’t say it verbally, they communicate their cynicism with their eyes.
Even when I explained that the guy providing the free scans had healed his own health with the help of this machine and genuinely wanted to help others by spreading the knowledge, I could still see the suspicion behind their eyes.
Why is it so hard to believe in the genuine goodness in people? Are we too cynical as a society?
Insincerity is a slippery slope, as is cynicism
As sad and disappointed as I have often felt toward my fellow humans, I know how we got here. There is no one to blame. All it took was one person in history, who decided to screw over another person for selfish gains to start the chain of cynicism.
That first person started a norm of selfishness without regard; the first person screwed was made an example of how much blind trust can hurt us. This original incident planted a seed of cynicism in every witness. Everything snowballed from there.
As you can probably imagine, some of those who saw what can be gained from deceit began to practice deception themselves. When that spread so widely, the majority of the population began to doubt others’ intentions regularly to protect themselves from harm. Then came a point where we almost expect dishonesty and deception. It was a sad turning point in human consciousness.
So what now?
I’d like to think that even though there is no overnight solution, each time we practice and express genuine trust towards another it unravels the chain of cynicism, and lifts us up that steep slope we slid so far down.
We can take it one day at a time, and trust just a little more every day.
Every time we treat someone with sincerity, we show them we can be trusted. Every time we trust someone, we show them we don’t doubt their true intentions which empowers them to be trustworthy. When trust and sincerity within each of us begins to accumulate, we start to project more of that into our culture and communities. Let the snowball effect of sincerity dissolve the buildup of distrust that cynicism has created.
Where would we be without trust
Many may not see cynicism as a problem — after all, there is no real visible harm. In fact, doesn’t cynicism help protect and discern?
I believe a healthy dose of skepticism is helpful, even necessary. Blind trust isn’t wise, yet cynicism can rob us of the potential of living a healthy, happy and fulfilling life.
Whether we can see it or not, cynicism eats away at us little by little and can be very hurtful, to both our feelings and psyche. What cynicism does is create a projection of how uncertain the reality in front of us can be, which causes us to second guess our conversations or interactions with another human being.
The next time you have a conversation with someone and find yourself doubting or questioning their intentions, just observe how much second-guessing and reinterpretation is in your inner dialogue. Whether it’s 30 seconds of thinking on your own or several conversations with your partner or friends, think about how much time and energy you’ve given to cynicism, and how this time and energy can be better used. Now think about how many of these you have on a weekly basis, monthly basis, yearly basis, and how much overall energy is given to doubt.
Even without deeper self-observation or reflection, most of us know what it feels like when someone distrusts us and questions our motives. So when we acquire the habit of distrust, we hurt not only others but ourselves in the long run by feeding our cynicism. This negative feedback loop gradually disables the enthusiasm to express our desire to give love and help others, without expecting personal gains in return. When all of us feel free to give without others questioning our motives, we become aligned with our loving and abundant nature. When none of us feel free to give without others questioning our motives, we are restricted in showing what loving beings we truly are. Imagine what our world would look like if we didn’t feel like we could trust anyone with genuinely good intentions. Would anyone be motivated to do good, to give love?
Live a life of cynicism or optimism
The world we live in may be far less than virtuous, but there is a point where we can make a choice for ourselves, a choice of how we want to approach life. Do we choose to live a life of cynicism, or do we choose a life of optimism?
I’m not saying the decision is this black and white. As I said, a healthy dose of skepticism is sometimes necessary in our world. I am saying, we could approach life with optimism as our default mindset, rather than the default mindset of cynicism.
It is our ego that often gets in the way of us choosing to trust the good in people. Because we’ve all been screwed over before by a dishonest person. It’s only natural that we don’t ever want to feel that foolish again. Being deceived bruises our confidence, makes us feel violated and at times, incompetent in life. So understandably, most of us want to be certain before trusting anyone completely.
At some point, so much cynicism takes a toll on us, leaving us tired and disheartened because we often attract what we resist — those who can’t be trusted. At that point, we need to take the initial step to trust. We may still get hurt along the way, we may feel foolish at times, but the more we open ourselves to trust, the more we will attract trustworthy people to enter our lives.
The positive and freeing quality of trust is contagious. As we gradually melt away cynicism in our society, I imagine we will surround ourselves with more genuine people who are also choosing to trust the good in others. We can then let go of our habitual reactions to doubt others’ intentions and feel their words and intentions instead. Perhaps it requires all of us taking baby steps at the same time to create the trustworthy world we want to live in, but I invite you to be brave and take the first step, even if you have to look at someone’s suspicious eyes a few more times.
