Accepting Our Darkness is the First Step to Transcending It
“Your life will be transformed when you make peace with your shadow. The caterpillar will become a breathtakingly beautiful butterfly. You will no longer have to pretend to be someone you’re not. You will no longer have to prove you’re good enough.”
It’s not often that I want to revisit a dark and negative place where I once found a comfortable dwelling, but I feel it’s important to talk to those who are currently there.
I was in and out of there for a long time. I was never afraid to go there. I found almost a fascination with exploring my dark side and just how deep it actually goes. Though I was always ready to have fun, make new friends, and explore new places, I knew in my heart I was angry with the world.
I was angry that it gave me the family I have, all the hardships it put me through, that it did not show me any kindness in my hardest moments, and it didn’t care what I needed, only what I could give. I had zero faith in any higher source of power looking out for me.
Whenever someone spoke of joy, love, and light, I couldn’t relate, because all I was able to see and feel was dark and heavy. Whenever I came across a scene in a movie showing a family grieving at the loss of another family member, or celebrating the triumph of another family member, I would be at a loss, wondering if that kind of connection really existed.
Give your dark side a fair chance to be known
At one point, a psychic I met said I was curious and drawn to darkness. It was a comment that had disturbed me. I believed what he said, but I also believed with full conviction that I was not a dark person — I knew myself too well. Yet, I was buried in darkness, fumbling around desperately looking for the light switch.
I was indeed curious about the depth of my own darkness, what it was all about and where it came from. Why I thought and felt differently than everyone else around me. I wasn’t scared of the dark and I had a slight suspicion that not everyone around me was as “light” as they seemed to be. I wanted to give my dark side a fair chance to be known. A deep part of my psyche told me in order to transcend my darkness, I needed to understand it through and through. I trusted it, and I’m glad I did because I couldn’t move on until I understood the grip it had on me.
Accept the darkness as is so you can release it
Once I accepted that I will sometimes have dark and negative thoughts, I felt relieved to just be. I understood they don’t define me. I also began to see that our world is full of disguises, with many people masking who they really are inside by being falsely positive. I no longer felt shame; I was beginning to feel proud of my authenticity.
Whether you believe in past life, karmic debt, childhood trauma, or just personal experience, our darkness or negativity are here for us to resolve. They are our tormentors as well as our mentors. Acknowledge their existence, notice their presence, and confront them by having a conversation with them, either by meditating, journaling, or actually talking out loud to them. Release them by finding an appropriate outlet of expression.
See and feel the contrast between light and dark
Just because we have darkness within us doesn't mean that we are not light seekers. Shedding the weight of negativity is hard work, especially if it has been weighing you down most of your life. Many of us don’t even know what light and happiness feels like.
I refer to dark and light sometimes as negativity and positivity, because they essentially translate to energy. The first step is to differentiate what they feel like. At the lowest end of the spectrum are negative states of being that produce heavy energy that weighs you down, such as depression, self-pity, and hate; at the other end of the spectrum are positive states of being that produce lighter energy that uplifts you, such as enlightenment, joy, and love.
You can practice differentiating the way they feel by paying close attention to changes in your thoughts, moods, emotions, and words. Notice the subtle shifts that occur in your body. Our mind body connection is miraculous in a way that whatever you think or speak, your body will react physically and chemically.
Know that in your core you are a light being
I believe with all my heart that we are all beings of light. Even the darkest person has a kindling within, with the potential to ignite a spark of bright light.
Just because we were once dark and heavy doesn’t mean we will always be there. The experience of darkness doesn’t define us. It’s acknowledging our journey through dark times that defines us, what we are made of, and our infinite will in seeking light.
