8 Trending Personality Labels: Seeing Them From a Different Perspective

Labels can be hurtful. Most of us don’t want to be put under a label. We just want to be. 

I have been seeing increasing amounts of content on personality labels in our trauma culture. As many of us are seeking inner healing, we start to gain better clarity and recognize what toxicity looks like and what we have been putting ourselves through, especially in relationships.

While it’s a healthy stepping stone toward deeper self-discovery, many of those labels can make us feel like there’s something wrong with ourselves and others, when there isn’t. As we read trending definitions and discussions on each of those labels, we can feel as though we either enable one of them or we are one of them.

I have never been a big fan of labels, of any kind. While they become convenient sometimes when I want to communicate a certain point, to me, that’s all labels are — a convenient way to help organize information and communicate widely known descriptions, not to be used for judgment or exclusion.

Many of these personality labels have such a negative connotation attached, when in truth there is always the other side of the coin — it is always a package deal. I want to explore the other side of these personality traits and offer a different perspective on why we shouldn’t put anyone under a label. We are all healing at our own pace and trying our best to figure things out for ourselves. I believe everyone could use more of an uplift rather than a tear down in our world, since that tends to promote separation more than unity.

It’s also important to remember that while awareness of these traits is helpful, they are only problematic if they become excessive — if you feel they’re blocking your potential for happiness. Personally, I believe if any of these traits come from a place of sincerity and are displayed in moderation, it can be positive. It’s only if they are displayed in excess or come from a place of fear or manipulation that they become harmful.

The People Pleaser

This label is phrased in such a way that it can make a sweet gesture of wanting to accommodate others seem like a dysfunction.

Most people can probably relate to this one to some varying degree. Most of us like to see others happy and we try our best not to hurt them. We also enjoy bringing happiness into others’ lives. This just means we care about others’ feelings and our relationship with them, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Be mindful of: Is this your only state of being? Do you compromise your own needs in order to accommodate others? Do you feel resentful or angry after you have made the compromise? If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, perhaps think about what would please you and say “no” to others once in a while.

The Perfectionist

At some point, having high standards became a bad thing, when the world’s most magnificent monuments or works of art were created under a perfectionist’s vision. Being a Perfectionist means you have beautiful ideals and that you take your work or duties seriously. You are more detail-oriented than most and anything can turn into a success under your supervision.

Be mindful of: Are you forgiving of mistakes? Do you have unreasonable expectations toward everyone? Are you accepting of imperfections and able to move forward in spite of them? If you end up feeling frustrated or angry because of your high ideals then it is probably more of a hindrance than support for your well-being and of others around you. Try practicing more compassion toward yourself by forgiving your past mistakes.

The Co-dependent

Human beings were never meant to be disconnected from each other and face the world alone. The need to be around others or seeking help from others does not mean there is something wrong with you. Recognizing your need for companionship, partnership or community is a natural and healthy quality.

Be mindful of: Are you too demanding of others that you are disrespectful of their boundaries? Do you find it unbearable to spend time in your own company? If companionship is simply a means to escape facing your own reality, it can become detrimental to your personal growth and making important decisions for your happiness. Take some time to self-reflect on what it is you truly fear and motivate yourself to talk or journal about those fears.

The Emotionally Unavailable 

Some people seem to have the gift of being cool and collected under any circumstance, and that can be a sign of maturity. It’s not easy to achieve emotional mastery and self-control. Yet, many (especially men) can be seen as too disconnected to get close to. Being rational itself is a positive trait. That quality can be valuable under stressful situations and provide solace for those who need it.

Be mindful of: Are you afraid to display your emotions even when it is appropriate? Do you judge yourself or others for being emotional? Are you able to identify what it is you are feeling and allow yourself to process it? If your calm demeanor is at the expense of your connection with yourself and others, then you might want to practice compassion and vulnerability to allow yourself to be known beneath the surface.

The Overachiever

Somewhere in our timeline, society started associating being competitive and driven with a difficult and often threatening personality. There are many admirable qualities to an Overachiever. They are hardworking, ambitious, goal-oriented and want the most out of life. They set an example to what human potential can look like if we focus and apply ourselves in a positive way.

Be mindful of: Are you too invested in reaching certain goals that you neglect other important areas of life? Are you so hard on yourself that you stop enjoying yourself? Does your tendency to achieve stem from your feeling of having something to prove? If you are pushing yourself to attain certain goals to prove a point rather than for a fulfilling purpose then maybe it would be a good idea to reflect on what (or who) you are doing it for, especially if your health or relationships are being affected.

The Narcissist

Having confidence and a solid sense of self can sometimes be confused for narcissism. They are actually great characteristics for success in many aspects of life. And they often represent clear boundaries in personal as well as work relationships. Having clear ideas and direction for what you want isn’t something to be ashamed about.

Be mindful of: Are you too wrapped up in what you want for yourself that you dismiss others’ needs? Are you able to recognize and dedicate time just to be there for others? Is your self-assurance authentic or is it a way to mask your insecurities? If you have allowed your confidence to smother your humility, and prevented yourself from hearing what’s important to others, then your overall personal success could be negatively impacted. It would be wise to practice empathy and look for ways to relate to others rather than only being focused on your wants and needs.

The Good Girl

Sustaining higher virtues, at one point in time, was greatly praised in society. Being “good” these days is often accompanied by ridicules and associations of being unable to have fun. Having principles is a wonderful discipline to carry through your life. Being responsible and mindful of your actions also shows maturity and your general concern for others. Being good is nothing to be embarrassed about.

Be mindful of: Does your choice to behave a certain way stem from fear of judgment? Are your values or principles too rigid that you are unable to experience new activities or relationships? If you are not enjoying life as much as you would like to and have a desire to explore but keep holding back, then you could probably benefit from taking steps in trying something new and harmless to start. Practice self-compassion and don’t judge yourself in your opening process.

The Overexplainer

Communication makes the world go around, after all. There is no crime in being an over communicator. Somehow this trait or habit is now seen as a trauma response from childhood. While there may be some truth to it, wanting to make yourself clear so others can better understand where you come from is a thoughtful quality. Most people appreciate a more detailed explanation than a curt one.

Be mindful of: Are your explanations generally defensive? Do you feel the need to explain excessively even when it isn’t necessary because you fear others might be upset with you? If your tendency to over communicate is triggered from the fear of being punished or abandoned, then practicing being present in the moment and connecting with a sense of safety will probably help you feel more calm in tense situations.

When we apply labels loosely and use them out of context toward others, we can cause confusion and create resentment. It’s important to understand they were not meant to diagnose or incriminate anyone. We will most likely all at some point display all of the above behaviors and that’s okay. We may even go through a phase in our lives where we display those behaviors excessively. We are each healing, growing, and processing our own traumas, triggers and responses. If we want to help one another grow for the better, we can encourage each other to work through those phases rather than point out their flaws.