How to Reinvent a New Self-Identity and Let Go of the Old

I have observed that most of us are more committed to our self-image than we realize, even if that image doesn’t represent our most authentic self. 

We would go to battle to protect that hard-earned image and fight anyone who appears to threaten the identity we’ve worked so hard to build, including ourselves. After all, it took us years, perhaps decades to find ourselves. Reinventing a new identity often means reintroducing ourselves to the world around us, all over again. And that is often an ordeal we are unprepared for.

If you have been following my writing for a while, you might remember that I had left a corporate job in 2020 to begin my independent career path. I have always felt I had much more to offer than being boxed in to play a specific role, as every single one of my jobs tried to do. So when I left what I long felt was too restricting to my creativity, I felt free. It was an indescribable joy that I could finally be who I am and give all that I have to give to the world without limitation.

Soon I discovered, even with that freedom, I was quickly tasked with how I wanted to reintroduce myself, without a job title that defined me. Now that I had complete freedom to re-identify myself, who did I want to be known as, this time around? Who was I as a whole?

Who we are vs. who we look like

We live in a society that often typecasts us in a certain role based on our outward appearance and demeanor. Expectations start to form about who we are based on those impressions that reinforce and motivate us to be that person. And when we continue to be the person others expect us to be, their expectations are further reinforced. Thus continues a self-perpetuating feedback loop.

Thinking back, it was easy for my friends, peers and employers to accept that I am a good designer and art director. I was often described as someone who is quirky, whimsical, artistic, and impractical. And I happily obliged because I had a blast playing that role. 

That deeper part of me, the philosophical and spiritual part, however, seldom surfaced to be seen. At times, when I was in a group and started to share spiritual findings or philosophical realizations, I was often met with confusing looks, as if I was speaking out of character. For many, my bubbly personality didn’t register with “deep thinker” or “philosopher.” I had learned to hold back my perspectives thinking it would be seen as too “out there.” I had also accepted that in order for my opinions or views to be taken seriously, I needed to appear “serious.” It is just what most people are conditioned to perceive—people who appear to be serious are more credible. Yet I have also observed that most of us are almost never who we appear to be, on the outside.

Identify with our soul (not our body or mind)

Who we are at our core has nothing to do with our appearance, or even our outward personality at times. What appeals to our heart and soul doesn’t always show up at our jobs or activities. Sometimes we acquire skills to reach a certain goal in life, but sooner or later, I find, we all desire to express ourselves from a deeper layer. When we are able to identify then express from that deeper layer, we liberate our soul.

While our body serves as the vehicle that carries us through life and our mind organizes information and makes day-to-day decisions, our soul is the lighthouse that guides us back to our true self, if we are ever lost. Our soul knows why we are each here in this life and what legacy we want to leave behind. Aligning with our soul is what makes life fulfilling.

In order to connect with what fulfills our soul, we will need to let go of our perception of what we should look and sound like. Rather, we want to feel what we most resonate with on a different level—a form of self-expression that would allow our soul to be seen, to be free, regardless of how we have been perceived in the past. Understanding that outer appearance or those external qualities doesn’t define who we are will free us from the confines of external pressure as well. This will also redefine what happiness truly means to each of us.

Surrender to authenticity

Beginning a new life that is congruent with our most authentic self isn’t always easy. There is a lot at stake, especially if you have already reached a certain level of success with your current identity. It might feel like it doesn’t make any sense to reinvent yourself. Those of us who are adventurous enough to start anew often face confusion, criticism, judgment and rejection. It could look and feel like a horrible decision. 

Yet, many of us already know deep inside that this is not all there is.

Thanking our old identity is the first step to evolving from it. There is nothing wrong with our old identity. It has served us well and got us as far as it can. We learned a lot with that identity but we no longer want to be limited by it.

When we identify with the way our soul wants to be seen, we feel a certain joy and harmony like we’ve hit a ringer. It just feels right. Our existence all of a sudden makes sense and there is an infinite amount of hope and possibilities. And that is a kind of vibration that can only be discovered by allowing yourself to surrender. So we must ask ourselves, is this worth the trouble? Are we willing to live the rest of our lives without knowing that sense of deep joy and harmony?

Reinventing an identity takes time

Our journey of reinventing ourselves will generally take some time. There will likely be some internal conflict in deciding what feels right and what doesn’t. We will also be practicing how to describe our new self to others.

When I was first faced with the question “what do you do?” after I started my own business, I came across as indecisive to others because I was still struggling with how best to answer that question. What I do, to me, is now so closely intertwined with who I am, that a more insightful answer was required. It took a lot of practice, asking for feedback, adjusting the language I’m using, etc., to get to a point where I was confident in owning my answer fully. I continue to make adjustments to further align my new self to the deepest part of my soul.

Even after a powerful realization has been made of who we are on the soul level, we need to understand that we are only at the beginning of this journey to fulfill our new identity. This journey will be an adventure, full of surprises, twists and turns. But if we are patient and willing to go along for the ride, we will be shown that our reward can be more abundant than we could ever have dreamed of.